Sometimes a negotiating session seems like you are destined to be lion food in the Coliseum — you get eaten alive, while the other side winds up with almost everything. Why do some companies seem to consistently get a better sale or deal?

I have heard negotiating called an art, and while it never hurts to be a little creative, there is nothing artsy about good negotiating skills; they are learned, practiced and applied, and they work.

Parts of negotiation

Both sides to any issue bring the same things to the negotiating table — their own agendas. That makes two agendas for one meeting. The only thing less productive might be having two handles on one hammer.

Both agendas have the same things — needs, wants and wishes. A good negotiator must first determine what those things are for the other side. Then he also must know the priority the other side places on each, or in a nutshell, what the other side is willing to settle for.

The need is definable — an upgraded bathroom or a new kitchen. The want is a sweetener that is important but not vital.

There may be more than one want. One needs to know the priority of the wants and if they have to set one aside, what is their order of ranking them?

Consider an example where a family needs an additional bedroom because the they’re expecting another child — clear enough. When we dig, we find out about wants, such as an upstairs laundry room instead of the one currently in the basement. Other wants may include a guy’s workbench and cabinets in the garage or a dressing table added to the master bath. These wants may be a lower priority than moving the laundry.

A wish might be to have a front loading washer/dryer or even one of the quiet stackable brands.

We should know all the particulars by the time we are negotiating the job so we have a cost of all of the components. Let’s consider the unusual circumstance that the proposed cost is higher than the client wants to pay. The needs have to be met or there will be no deal, but you must maintain the attitude that unless we find common ground, there will be no deal. That is very difficult for the unseasoned salesperson — OK, the old pro, too — but you have to do it to be credible.

Beginning negotiation